Brittany Poulin and Kate Adams each realized that the other was “their work person” when they met at their PR job six years ago on a Zoom call. Both zero in on a simple compliment Adams gave Poulin on a Lilly Pulitzer dress as the moment they knew. 

“I was like, ‘Oh,’” Poulin recalls. “Thank you for recognizing that.” Before long, it became apparent that the two shared a bond beyond fashion sense. They had similar backgrounds, common views, former straight-A students, grew up in Catholic households. And most of all, trust in each other. 

“We never really had that conversation of, ‘Okay, we’re a team.’ But I will defend her tooth and nail until my dying breath,” Poulin says. “And I know she’ll do the same for me.” Since then, Poulin has traveled from her Orlando homebase to visit Adams in Boston; this past summer, they spent time together at Adams’ wedding at the Jersey shore.

Lots has been written about the red flags to spot in coworkers: self-centered leeches, narcissists, energy vampires, bad bosses. But what about green flags for people you want to be around? How can you find the coworkers who uplift, advocate, help, and defend? These coworkers—these office allies—are more than simple happy hour pals. They’re the anti-narcissistic stalwarts that can anchor you in the workplace, and help transform your entire career.

In this story (for Premium members only), you’ll learn:

• How to spot those green flags that someone is a potential workplace ally or BFF
• Why this particular type of workplace friendship is vital to your career growth prospects and ultimate happiness
• The best thing you can do to make your workplace friendships stronger

BUILDING BONDS

Jim Harter, Gallup’s chief scientist for Workplace Management and Wellbeing, maintains that having someone who’s a close workplace ally can deliver a number of benefits: boosting your confidence, standing up for you, championing you when you’re not around, giving you honest advice, helping you network, and giving you a safe space to vent. 

Not to mention, having a ride-or-die in your corner helps job performance, provides perspective, and makes you happier overall, among other benefits. Gallup research from 2022 found that employees with workplace best friends are significantly more likely to be more productive, engage team members, and share ideas. Adams says she immediately admired Poulin, who has always been more senior in her work role, for her “realness” and good judgment when giving advice or speaking to coworkers or clients. 

“I was like, ‘This is someone I can trust. This is someone I can go to.’ And people really respect her at work for that, as well,” she says. Each says they use the other as a sounding board when they’re trying to navigate a work situation, or to gauge their own reactions and responses. 

“Navigating the waters of management sometimes can be a little weird, especially, I think, as women too, where you want to be liked and you don’t want to come off as being rude or being bossy,” she says. She adds Poulin is honest with her “from not just a workplace perspective, but from a friend perspective, too.”

IN SEARCH OF GREEN FLAGS

We often stumble into office allyships naturally and without having to try—Adams’ compliment on that dress just organically blossomed into something more. But experts do cite some things to look for as you scan your workplace horizons for authentic, trustworthy people.

Someone consistently displaying good character is one sign that this is someone you can trust, says workplace risk and culture strategist Kelley Bonner. “They’re not just nice because it’s the boss or someone of high position. They’re like this regardless of people’s background and regardless of the setting,” she says.

Another green flag? “They give credit where credit is due,” Bonner says, or speaking up on someone else’s behalf when something is unfair, like if a colleague tells an inappropriate joke. It shows “consistency and integrity,” she says.

Also look for people who leave you feeling good, says friendship expert Shasta Nelson, author of The Business of Friendship. That is, they don’t leave you drained, or filled with negativity. “At the end of the day, who are the people that leave you feeling most accepted and most liked?” she says. Whereas the red-flag opposite is someone who makes you feel “like we never quite know where they stand.”

Other times, an office ally is someone who just meets you where you are. “The number-one way you can connect with somebody, and this is coming from my therapy background, is just validating what it is they’re experiencing,” says licensed psychologist Candice Balluru, founder of The Workplace Psychologist. They may have deep insight into some aspect of your life where you need to be supported, such as being a working parent, or navigating a climb up the corporate ladder.

And not just someone who listens to you vent about the RTO policy and agrees with you—someone who might take another step with some sort of action, and follows through. It’s one thing for a colleague to offer to introduce you to someone who can help, but when they actually make that introduction—that’s a sign that they’re invested in your success, the experts say.

THE POWER OF THESE ALLIES

Harter says that finding people who will be objective and honest with you about work situations is also important in building trust. “If trust is built, critical feedback is more likely to be taken as constructive feedback,” he says.

So, is the process of seeking out office allies simply looking for the opposite of those toxic coworkers? Not exactly, says Nelson. 

“It’s not just a bunch of one-off traits. It’s the collective of these things being present, and that foundation being built incrementally and safely over time,” she adds. 

And when you give these friendships room to grow, they can improve your life outside of work, too, says psychologist, professor, and friendship expert Marisa G. Franco, author of the New York Times bestselling book Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends. 

To build true allyship, Franco recommends extending the friendship outside of the office by inviting your coworker to join you for a walk, drink, or meal, which she calls “repotting,” term coined by friendship expert Ryan Hubbard. And just as repotting an already thriving plant makes it thrive even more, doing this with your office ally makes your friendship more lasting and sustainable, since you’ll become comfortable seeing each other in other settings. 

“That’s going to make for a closer connection than if you’re only at work,” she says. 

Balluru advises staying open to becoming allies with people who might not be your typical friend outside of the office, as well: “Work is a controlled environment where you don’t really get to choose who you work with,” she says. That provides opportunities to form friendships across generations, personality types, and other differences. 

Adams says the bottom line is to look for people who would get a thumbs-up from people who love you. So while you want to improve your ability to spot your next office ally—don’t let your ability to spot toxicity rust, either. 

“Look for someone who’s giving off an energy that your mom would be proud of,” she advises.  “Steer away from the bad egg energy.”