Oracle recently laid off thousands of employees by email. While headlines focused on the losses, another story is also unfolding quietly among those who remain, in offices, Slack channels, and video calls. 

If you survived a layoff, you’re likely feeling a complicated mix of emotions. You may feel relieved to keep your job. You may feel guilty because your colleague didn’t. You might feel frustrated, maybe angry, at how it was handled. And maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed being expected to carry all the responsibilities they were handling. Underneath all of it, there’s anxiety: am I next?

These emotions are real, and they won’t disappear just because someone in leadership tells you to “focus on moving forward.” Before you can be productive, you must accept this moment for what it is: a relationship earthquake. The people who left didn’t just take their expertise with them. They took conversations, trust, and candor and the relationship infrastructure that made your work possible, not just productive.

The question isn’t whether you’ll feel the loss. It’s what you do with it.

Name what you’re feeling

Let’s start with what nobody says out loud: you’re grieving. Not in the way you might grieve a death, but in a way that’s real and disorienting. The person you grabbed coffee with and made your days a little lighter is gone. The peer who told you the truth when nobody else would is gone. The colleague who understood your role well enough to flag problems before they reached your desk is gone. They weren’t just faceless colleagues. 

But grief is only one of the emotions swirling. Relief, guilt, frustration, anxiety, anger, they’re all in the mix, often simultaneously. Each emotion brings its own heat index: you might be mildly miffed at how the restructuring was communicated, or deeply frustrated that decisions were made without input from the people most affected, or genuinely angry that colleagues were let go via email without warning or dignity. Where you land on that spectrum is personal. All of it, and those emotions, are valid.

Organizations rarely acknowledge this emotional turbulence. Within days of a layoff, the remaining team is expected to absorb additional work, attend “new structure” meetings, and express gratitude for their continued employment. There’s an unspoken expectation: be thankful, be productive, don’t complain.

The reality is, those emotions don’t simply vanish after the next all-hands call, and left unacknowledged they can fester. Emotions turned inward can become disengagement; you show up, do the minimum, and quietly check out. Emotions turned outward can become toxic, venting, blame, and side conversations that poison the team. Neither serves you.

There is another option. Use your emotional barometer as a guide for clarity. Ask yourself: what am I feeling right now? And then make a choice, how will you acknowledge and use that insight productively to answer: what do I need right now? Which relationships matter most? What and who am I willing to invest in? and what am I no longer willing to tolerate? Your emotions can be a signal that your boundaries need to be reset. That’s useful information.

In my book Cultivate: The Power of Winning Relationships, I describe how relationships turn sour when we fail to Look Up, Show Up, and Step Up. After a layoff, people often put their heads down and absorb extra work, a failure to look up. Leaders and teams who pause, acknowledge the disruption, and make deliberate choices fare best, instead of letting busyness fill the vacuum.

Rebuild your relationship infrastructure within the company

A layoff doesn’t just remove people from the org chart. It reshuffles every relationship dynamic on the team.

The peer you barely knew is now your closest collaborator. The leader two levels up is suddenly focussed on your work, or now your boss. Responsibilities and reporting lines have shifted. Decision rights are unclear. The unwritten rules about how things get done just changed, whether anyone admits it or not.

This is the moment to ask two questions that most people skip: Who am I dependent on for my success? And who depends on me?

In the aftermath of a layoff, remaining teams often default to what I’d call Supporter behavior:  heads down, polite, compliant, cautious. Everyone is performing stability. Nobody is having the real conversation about what just changed and what the team actually needs from each other now.

That’s exactly when the organization needs Allies, people willing to say, “We lost something real, and we need to address it.” Not in a confrontational way, but with the candor that prevents dysfunction from hardening into culture.

Practically, this means investing in the relationships that will define your success in the new structure, even when the instinct is to retreat into task mode. Have the conversation with your new closest collaborator about how you’ll work together, not just what you’re each responsible for. Ask your manager what they actually need from you right now, not what the restructuring deck says your role is: “Given all the changes, what should I focus on to help the team most?” Check in on the quieter members of the team, the ones who may be struggling but won’t say so, because if you’ve just lost an Ally, so have they. Sometimes a simple “How are you holding up?” is enough to open a conversation that everyone needed but nobody was starting.

Run a Relationship Pulse Check with the people who matter most: What’s working? What’s not? What’s one thing we can do to ensure mutual success? These three questions signal something powerful in a moment when everyone feels disposable: you matter to me, and I’m paying attention.

Nurture your external relationships, including the people who left

Here’s the part that feels uncomfortable but is essential: if your company just conducted a significant layoff, more may follow. The remainers who treat this as a one-time event and go back to being too busy to invest in relationships outside the company are making the same mistake their departed colleagues made.

This isn’t disloyalty. It’s self-awareness. Pick one relationship outside your company that you’ve let go dormant, and reconnect. Build relationships across your industry, community, and professional life. Not because you plan to leave, but as a reminder that the org chart can change overnight.

But there’s something even more important, and it’s the move that separates Allies from Supporters: stay connected to the people who left.

Your former colleagues are navigating grief, uncertainty, and the slow erosion of confidence that can come from a job search. They’re wondering who still cares and looking to see who reaches out. Many go silent, not out of malice, but because it feels awkward, because they don’t know what to say, because they’re busy absorbing the extra work.

Be the person who calls. Share a job lead. Make an introduction. Write a recommendation. Ask how they’re really doing and actually wait for the answer. This isn’t charity; these are your people. You worked alongside them. They understand your strengths, your values, and your working style. In my book You, Me, We: Why We All Need a Friend at Work, my co-authors and Iwrite about two degrees of connection, the idea that you’re only one conversation away from the next opportunity. You might be that one conversation for someone who just lost their job that helps them find their next opportunity. And someday, they might be that conversation for you.

The professionals who maintain these relationships after a layoff are the ones who build a career on something more resilient than any single employer.

The layoff happened to you, too

If you’re a leader managing a team through a layoff, stop pretending everything is fine. Your people are experiencing a breadth of emotions, and they’re watching you closely to see whether you acknowledge it or paper over it. The leaders who say “I know this is hard, and I’m here to work through it with you” earn trust. The leaders who jump straight to “let’s focus on execution” lose it.

If you’re an individual contributor, give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling, and then channel it into the relationships that will carry you forward. Not just the ones inside your company. Not just the ones that benefit you. The ones that reflect who you actually want to be when things are hard.

Layoffs test relationships and put organizational infrastructure under pressure. Some hold. Some crack. And some reveal strength you didn’t know was there. The real question isn’t surviving the layoff, but whether your connections with yourself, your team, and your network are stronger afterward. 

The company is not responsible for the outcome; your actions are. Choose to invest in these relationships now.