To run a successful business, we bring together a diverse group of people with different skill sets to cover all areas of the business. This results in people who might have very different values and beliefs spending a large amount of time in close proximity, which can create potentially stressful environments.

Add to the mix that we’re encouraging people to “have a voice,” “speak up and be heard,” “bring your whole self to work,” and “be vulnerable.” These are all incredible things and fantastic for growth in our workplaces. However, the more “voices” and “whole selves” we have present, the more differences in values, beliefs, and neural pathways, which leads to potential conflict.

Our IQ is the “what we know and what we can do.” It’s the part of our brain where logic prevails. Our EQ and emotional intelligence, on the other hand, is the “how and why we do it,” and where emotions run the show.

Information and skills without emotion just exist. It has little bearing on whether two people get along. However, how we communicate, how we interact with people, why we believe in something, our opinions, and the values that are driving us tend to be the common factors in most workplace conflicts.

It’s all about our wiring

Our emotions drive these factors, and every individual is different in how they respond to them, thanks to our unique brain wiring. That’s due to the experiences, values, habits, and memories that we’ve created and developed over our lives. We call this the neural pathways. These pathways drive how and why we do what we do.

We personally believe our pathways to be true and the best way to be, I mean, why else would we do things the way we do them? In our mind, they’re not only the best but, sometimes, the only way we think is right. When someone else questions or challenges it,  our emotions respond with the “fight or flight” mechanism.

This is why many experts are saying that emotional intelligence is the top skill for workplaces: having the ability to own who we are, and how well we face and manage our emotions. It’s about understanding how the people around us are feeling, how well we communicate with them, and the effectiveness of our personal drive.

Emotional intelligence isn’t a personality type or something we are born with. It’s a skill that we develop, and, in every situation, we have a choice to either respond with emotional intelligence or without. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we don’t. Like any skill, when we focus on building and applying, we see the benefits.

3 tips to decrease workplace conflict

1. Own and face the reality that every human being is different with varying values, beliefs, and opinions. And that is okay. Note every situation needs to have a “winner and a loser” or “a right and a wrong.” Take a deep breath and count to three. And remember that the only thing in this world you can control is how you choose to respond.
2. Get out of your own head and understand how the other person is feeling. Ask questions and be curious. Perhaps we can learn something from them or maybe just appreciate our differences. 
3. Work together to drive forward. It’s unlikely that either of you will leave the workplace, so find a way to work together rather than against each other. How do we fix this, together? Work smarter, not harder, and focus on the end result rather than the differences that are triggering our emotions.

We don’t have the power to change anyone but ourselves. We do, however, have the power to choose how we interact, the influence, and the impact that it has on the people around us.

Workplace conflict is the outcome of poor choices and a lack of emotional intelligence. And it becomes a conflict when there are two or more people involved. Remember, you can always choose how you respond. And often, this is the way that people notice and remember you, not the event that caused the emotional trigger in the first place.

Next time you find yourself in an emotionally charged situation, ask yourself—what role are you playing in workplace conflict, and how emotionally intelligent have you been today?